I have been into the World of BDSM for more than 20 years now, I was getting horny Fantasizing about being Chained down an Whipped as early as 7 years old. I never fulfilled any of those Fantasies until I got about 22 years old, when an Extremely Beautiful Korean Girl in Guam gave me my First good Whipping. It was such a Passionate experience, that it launched me into the world of BDSM with all my Heart. Since then I have been Whipped Hundreds maybe even THOUSANDS of times, I'm not sure I lost Count. But I have learned a lot through the years, and one of the most important lessons I would like to share with you here, is a Lesson about Ethics in BDSM. What do I mean? I am talking about How you Treat the Submissive, or the Sacrifice, I am talking about your Communication skills in dealing with people. I am talking about using Psychology in a Positive way, instead of a negative way. When you understand that you are playing with a person's mind and emotions every moment that you are communicating with them, then you can better understand what to say, and how to say it, to get them to respond to you the way you want them to. Let me get a little more Specific here. When a Domina first meets a Sub or a Sacrifice or Client, whatever the name you want to use to define the person you are going to torture, the Domina should not automatically assume how the Sub or Sacrifice is going to respond, because each person is completely different, Mentally, Emotionally, Physically, and Spiritually, so if you automatically assume that if you treat someone like Shit because they come to you (The Domina) and They are the SUB. If you assume that because of the way you are defining the Relationship between both of you, that you are suppose to Treat the Sacrifice like shit, then you are making an incorrect assumption, because not everyone enjoys being treated like shit in the initial Meeting or Conversation. And if you disrespect someone or treat them like shit when you first meet them, then you may be turning the good people away, and all you wind up with for Clients is a bunch of Assholes, then you can't figure out why. Most people want to feel LIKED, and Appreciated. Even people who are Subs need LOVE, but the only way they can feel it is when they are experiencing pain. But it is not the Pain that creates the sensation of Love, it is the UNDERSTANDING that you show them at the moment you are Whipping them at equates to Love, not the pain. Many Dominas missed this lesson in Psychology, so they immediately assume they are suppose to Disrespect everyone they come in contact with as part of their Personality. This is wrong to Assume this. The Correct way to approach new Clients or Lovers who might be Subs, is to meet and greet people with equal Respect. Respect leads to Love, disrespect leads to hate. Maybe some of your Clients respond well to being disrespected, but others will think you are only some kind of Psycho with no Compassion or Understanding for how they feel. That is the only message you will be sending. Many BDSM Organizations have learned this simply by communicating with each other to find out how each person feels. These organizations are very smart in keeping the lines of Communication open between everyone so they can learn important lessons like this. This knowledge they gained from communicating with each other, lead many of them to adopt policies of meeting everyone on an even field, where everyone is respected equally. They called these meetings "Munches" this was a brilliant idea, I'm not sure who started the whole concept of Munches, but they should be recognized for their efforts in resolving a lot of misconceptions in the world of BDSM. Who ever came up with that Idea I salute you! Once the Sub and Domina meet on an even field, and communicate with each other to figure out exactly what it is that each of them expect from the other, THEN you have a better understanding to move forward with some kind of Plans and Arrangements. But if you are unwilling to take the time to master your Communications skills FIRST, then your Relationship is going nowhere. And if you are a Pro Domina your Business will also suffer as a result. So my point in all of this is to open up your mind to UNDERSTAND how the Sub thinks and Feels, and try to master your Communications skills FIRST, then you can use Psychology and Understanding the difference between Sadistic Psychology, and Masochistic Psychology to enhance your Rituals. Oh one quick point I want to make about that. Usually the Domina is Sexually Sadistic, and the Sub or Sacrifice is Sexually and Psychologically Masochistic, and if you really study Psychology you will begin to realize that these two Mentalities are at a CONFLICT of Interest because neither one of these two types actually want the other to LIKE their experience. This is where the Problems arise. Because if the Domina acts too excited about Torturing the Sacrifice, the Masochistic Personality will get turned off. Because the Masochistic Personality actually likes to TEACH the Domina how to Torture him. This is where many Dominas go off track, because they immediately assume "The Sub is trying to Top from the Bottom" as many Dominas have whinned and Complained about. But the Reality is the Sub likes to think they have to Teach you how to do it, because they like the idea that they actually have to try to Convince you to do something that you really don't want to do. This is the essence of what turns on a Masochistic Personality. Then once the Masochistic Person surrenders and allows themselves to be Chained Down, the Fear sets in, which Translates to Excitement. The way the Domina responds at this point can make a very dramatic difference in the entire experience. If the Domina treats the Sacrifice with Understanding and Compassion, and acts Loving as she inflicts Pain at the Same time, then the Masochistic person will experience a sense of LOVE. However if the Domina acts like a Total Bitch, and Cusses and Swears and Whips the hell out of the Sub or Sacrifice, then the experience becomes very horrifying for the Sub or Sacrifice and they will NOT feel a sense of Love, because the Domina is not Treating them with any Love. Another important point that I would like to make here in regards to the effects of Torture on an individual, which most Psychologists are just now beginning to learn about, is there is a drastic difference in what happens inside the mind, between Whipping and Torturing someone using LOVE and COMPASSION, and Whipping and Torturing someone using Hatred and Contempt. When you Torture someone using Love, there is an element of Trust that the Sacrifice or Sub relies on like a kind of Life line of Passion. This prevents any major Psychological Damage from occuring in the mind of the Sub or Sacrifice, because of the MEANING of the experience. Psychological Damage is created partly by extreme FEAR and the inability to do anything about it. This is what creates long term Truama in the Mind of the Sacrifice or Sub. But even in Extreme BDSM Rituals when the Sub or Sacrifice understands and expects a certain level of FEAR, they are able to manage the MEANING of the Fear in their minds, so that it does not cause any Permanent Psychological Damage. What I am trying to say here, is that in my experience, over the last 20 years of being Tortured to the extremes, I have found that as Long as the Domina shows Compassion and Understanding at the moment of Extreme Fear, then there are no Long Term Psychological effects because the Sacrifice understands and expects a certain level of FEAR just as you might expect when riding a Roller coaster Ride. And in Medical Science, they literally Torture people with Medical Procedures all the time, but it is the Compassion and Understanding of the Nurse which prevents and Long term Psychological Damage. Although, people who suffer Medical Torture have often fantasized about the Compassion of the Nurse many times after the Medical procedure. This Compassion translates into a Deep kind of Love, that prevents Psychological Damage but also gets imprinted into the mind as a Sexual Desire. It is like once you have experienced this kind of Compassion during a moment of Trauma, it becomes like a Drug, you want to experience again, because it feels so Good. Now a Domina can use Hatred and Contempt to inspire Fear, if this is what the Sacrifice is expecting. However if the Sacrifice is not prepared for this, as in a Prison or interrogation style torture session, then the fact that the Victim of this Torture wants nothing to do with the experience of this kind, and can not stop it, THIS CAN create long term Psychological damage. So this is why it is very important to talk things over with the Sacrifice FIRST, and develop a certain level of Trust between you, just as a Medical Professional does before they inflict pain on a Patient. The expectation of a certain level of Trauma, can prevent Psychological Damage if the Patient or Sub is willing to Accept it before hand. There are more people in this World who are experiencing Long Term Psychological effects just from Psychological Torture from so Called "Friends and Family" who are Socially Sadistic and accept Verbal and Psychological abuse as conditions of their Relationship. THIS has Traumatized more people in this world, than ANY BDSM experience ever will. Hatred and Contempt is a TOOL you can use in the BDSM experience, but just as a Scalpel is a tool of precision, so are the Emotional Tools of Hatred and Contempt. And if you do not use Hatred and Contempt correctly, it can cause permanent damage to a person's mind. Now in many of my Rituals I use this to Fluctuate the Emotions of the experience to go up and down like a Roller Coaster ride, which makes the Ritual More Meaningful for Both the Sacrifice and the Domina. Because when the Domina is allowed to Torture the Sacrifice to the point where they really are not enjoying the Experience, then the Domina can become Sexually Aroused Sadistically, because the Sub or Sacrifice is not enjoying the Experience, but the Sadistic Domina IS starting to enjoy the Experience. So by Fluctuating the Emotions back and Forth between Caring and Hating, the Sacrifice, the Experience can become more Satisfying for both people. This is more of a correct approach. I just wanted to put this out here, so many Dominas can understand how things work a little better. I hope this Helped you understand something a little more. And THANK YOU for everything you do, to try to Understand. Back to Index Page e-mail me at:the_webninja@yahoo.com Thank You!